Freelancer - The Void

I am
and I have always been.

Born of the deepest
part of men,
after the blaze
when embers smolder
my dark desire
turns stout hearts colder
than depths of space.
Without remorse
I'll turn to stone
and in due course
split and crumble
the noblest soul.
My quiet rage
will take control
of all who'd give
himself to me
and choose to seek
my legacy
of pain and tears.
And what is left
once he is mine?
A man bereft
of dignity,
whose empty heart
knows nothing more
than my black art.
Surely as night
shall slay the day,
he'll wait to fall
upon his prey,
then quickly strike,
let loose the flood
to stain the earth
and sky with blood.
But even this
can't quench his thirst
and for his life
he shall be cursed,
remembering all
that had been taken
when his honor
was forsaken.
And as a grin
creases my face,
while relishing
his sad disgrace
already I
prepare a plan
where some poor fool
preys on this man.
One might believe
me one to fear,
yet in turn, all
men hold me dear.

I am
and I shall always be:
Vengeance is mine
and I am He.

erm....................ok.

Perhaps smaller words would be helpful:

See Savage.
See Savage run.
Run, Savage, run.
Run, run, run.

Why is Savage running?
Savage is bad.
Bad Savage, bad.
Bad, bad, bad.

Why is Savage bad?
Savage kills indiscrimately.

oops.

Savage kills a lot.
See Savage kill.
Kill Savage kill.
Kill, kill, kill.

Why does Savage kill?
Savage is DTA.
DTA is bad.
Bad, bad, bad.

See DTA.
See DTA run.
Run, run, run.
Why does DTA run?

See the Navy.
Navy is good.
Navy kills DTA.
Kill, kill, kill.

See DTA.
See DTA die.
Die, die, die.
Hooray for Navy.

The End.

Better?  

Nope.  Even with smaller words, its still rubbish.

 :)  :)  :)  :          

I think he is on some kind of medication.

[quote="Asmodeus";p="136067"]I think he is on some kind of medication. [/quote]

if not he def need ssome.....  

I like it - Very Dark indeed  - Vengance  - a dish best served cold.....( It had Savage reaching for his Sesame Street Primer).....  :D  :D

nice Vengeance

Sounds like he just doctored some words out of a Dr Seuss book

Although not bad; your transition from DTA to the Navy didn't transition well like the others that led into the next topic.  And no I'm not an English Major  :lol:

 Everyone's a critic.    

Agreed with Reaper... wth is this?


Nine.